...the learning.

"twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. so throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. explore. dream. discover."
-mark twain

so if there's one thing that i've learned from anxiety disorder, it's that you absolutely must not let fear, worry, question or anxiety stop you from conquering anything. i'm certainly no master in living by this, but i've lived so much of my life without taking any chances, i guess it took something like agoraphobia to really open my eyes. what's opening your eyes?
about a month ago, for the first time in over a year, i let my want to do something overcome my fear of doing it. driving home, after trivia and hanging out with my friends, i had my music up and my windows down and i was on top of the world. it took twenty years of shying away and one year of intense worry and anxiety, for me to shut down a fear. i know it sounds silly, it is silly. every game our mind plays with us is silly. every time we let a single thought, a single worry, stop us from trivia at mellow mushroom, taking that challenging class, or even getting to know someone, it's silly. it's stopping us from life. my first meeting with mrs. lori, my saving grace, was june 10, 2009. i remember telling her about my friend heather. about how she seemed so fearless to me. little things that were everyday easy going activities for her, were crippling to me. i told mrs. lori i just wanted to be like heather. like every other friend i had. every other person i knew. i wanted to shut my mind up and do whatever i wanted to do, regardless of what i felt ...only problem is, sometimes it's just not as easy for some people, and GAD shoved me into that category. lucky me! ha :) i am lucky, however, to be learning what i am now. i guess this is a lot of the reason why i think i'd like to become a counselor or therapist. i want to be able to tell people the lessons i've learned and how i've done so. i want to make things that much easier for someone who's faced what i have. i want to look at people and be able to say "hey, i know. i feel you. i've been there. and i struggled just like you are. and i'm okay. it's not impossible." so having said all that, i'm not 100% yet. i'm still learning, i'm still struggling, but i'm still conquering. and i'm also still taking a chance.


...on a lighter note :) my birthday gift from dad came in the mail today!!