"twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. so throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. explore. dream. discover."
-mark twain
so if there's one thing that i've learned from anxiety disorder, it's that you absolutely must not let fear, worry, question or anxiety stop you from conquering anything. i'm certainly no master in living by this, but i've lived so much of my life without taking any chances, i guess it took something like agoraphobia to really open my eyes. what's opening your eyes?
about a month ago, for the first time in over a year, i let my want to do something overcome my fear of doing it. driving home, after trivia and hanging out with my friends, i had my music up and my windows down and i was on top of the world. it took twenty years of shying away and one year of intense worry and anxiety, for me to shut down a fear. i know it sounds silly, it is silly. every game our mind plays with us is silly. every time we let a single thought, a single worry, stop us from trivia at mellow mushroom, taking that challenging class, or even getting to know someone, it's silly. it's stopping us from life. my first meeting with mrs. lori, my saving grace, was june 10, 2009. i remember telling her about my friend heather. about how she seemed so fearless to me. little things that were everyday easy going activities for her, were crippling to me. i told mrs. lori i just wanted to be like heather. like every other friend i had. every other person i knew. i wanted to shut my mind up and do whatever i wanted to do, regardless of what i felt ...only problem is, sometimes it's just not as easy for some people, and GAD shoved me into that category. lucky me! ha :) i am lucky, however, to be learning what i am now. i guess this is a lot of the reason why i think i'd like to become a counselor or therapist. i want to be able to tell people the lessons i've learned and how i've done so. i want to make things that much easier for someone who's faced what i have. i want to look at people and be able to say "hey, i know. i feel you. i've been there. and i struggled just like you are. and i'm okay. it's not impossible." so having said all that, i'm not 100% yet. i'm still learning, i'm still struggling, but i'm still conquering. and i'm also still taking a chance.
...on a lighter note :) my birthday gift from dad came in the mail today!!
i'm three days late, sorry! :Dthis past sunday, father's day, was also my 22nd birthday... at church and throughout the day, the question of 'which came first, the chicken or the egg?' kept coming up... see, everyone kept asking what i was doing for dad for father's day, and i'd say something bratty about how 'it was my birthday, too! and without my birthday, he wouldn't have a father's day!' so we went on and on about which was first, which was the cause of the other. i guess all i can really say is that you can't have one without the other, but more importantly, i'm just thankful for the father that i was given (or given to? hmm.. :) ha!) often, when i'm thanking God for my blessings, i thank Him for my parents, for how they raised me. i'm thankful that i grew up going to church every sunday, wearing matching easter dresses with mama, and for those delicious wednesday night dinners (mine always consisted of a bowl of salad, with ranch dressing, bacon bits and croutons!) before GAs. though, like many others, i strayed, that foundation has always been set for me, it will always be the very first part of who i am. i'll always thank my parents for putting me on the right path, for instilling their beliefs to help create mine. so i guess for a late birthday/father's day blog, i just want to say i'm thankful for another year, thankful for my father, and also thankful for my Heavenly Father, for everything He has done for me, for everyone.
okay, so.. i'm one of those people who's addicted to the lame surveys and "tag, you're it" notes on facebook. i figured here would be as good of a place as any to share 25 things about myself..
so here goes :)
1. i'm 100% honest, 98% of the time..
2. i rarely capitalize letters, because i think lowercase letters are prettier than capital ones :)
3. i love my dog like my own child, no seriously.. and we snuggle at night, she's the little spoon, haha!!
4. i'm a dreamer.. i always have super interesting and vivid dreams, at least two or three a night or every time i sleep. i love sleep because i love my dreams, even the nightmares, which are rare :) my dreams are like movies, with plots and everything, sometimes i'm in the movie and sometimes i'm just watching it.
5. i was born and raised and always will be a georgia football fan, i hate everything orange.
6. however, peyton manning is still one of my most favorite people ever!!
7. i'm agoraphobic/GAD
8. you have no idea how easily i could spend thousands of dollars on hair/make up/beauty products! <3
9. i'm blessed.
10. 99.9% of the time, i can tell when a person is dishonest, shady or fake.. 'cause you can't bullshit a bullshitter :)
11. 311 is my happy music <3
12. i'm 22, but my mind is 33.. ish ..sometimes :)
13. i love people who know when and how to speak their mind, who don't bother with beating around the bush and expect the same from others.
14. there's a little (okay kinda big) part of me that just wants to be taken care of forever.. i'm not down with feminism, you be the man and do manly things, and i'll be the woman and stay home and take care of girly things :) ..that's like my dream, hahaha
15. buuuut if i do have to work, i think i'd like working as a therapist or counselor, psychologist style. i think the best therapists know from experience and can relate well to any client's issues.. and that is all me! haha :)
16. 'pineapple express' never fails to crack me up!!
17. and no, i have never in my life ever smoked weed.
18. i will continue arguing even after i realize i'm wrong.. but me and wrong don't meet up very often ;)
19. i'm obsessed with 'deadliest catch' on discovery channel.. it's my total favorite and i could watch the same episode a million times!!
20. my ultimate goal in life is just to be completely happy :)
21. i'm into just about every genre of music.. i like music for me, not for anyone else, i don't care if everyone and their mom knows about the song and it plays on the radio 78 times a day, if i like the song, i like the song.. anyone else's opinion of music doesn't have anything to do with what i like.
22. having said that ..i think classic/soft/southern rock might always be my favorite. music will never be made as big or as great as it used to be. also.. i think bob seger is super underrated! =( hahaha
23. i'm eternally grateful for my parents raising me in church.
24. i have seen 17 seasons of 'the real world' in their entirety.. and i have no idea how!
25. i made it through twelve and a half years of schooling without ever knowing anything solid about pronouns, prepositional phrases or any of your other basic english/grammar stuff.. i know what a noun is, and what a verb is (but only because of those verb.com commercials) and that's about it. and honestly, i don't reallly remember much of anything i learned in high school at all other than how to make hemp necklaces :)
so just now, 10 minutes ago, while listening to an insanely amazing thunderstorm going on outside, i decided i'd start myself a blog. so here goes :)i guess first, i'll just tell you a little (maybe a lot?) about myself.. my name's katie, that's me in that picture over there >> and i'll start by saying that i don't usually capitalize letters 'cause i think lowercase letters are prettier :) i'm not a big fan of a single period to end a sentence, and i use smiley faces a lot... i like to think of myself as a true southern belle :) i like to get dressed up, go shopping, get my nails done, but i also love staying at home all day on a saturday to watch SEC football or go out to BFE and play with guns. i'm really into sports, my daddy raised me that way :) ..i'm a red and black blooded georgia bulldog football fan, but i just love to watch football in general. i prefer college football over the NFL, but i root for peyton manning and the colts on sundays. i like watching UFC, college basketball, braves baseball and i wouldn't be southern if i didn't watch nascar here and there :) i'm also an intense fan of the discovery channel show 'deadliest catch', you have no idea how interested somebody can be in bering sea crab fishermen! i mean really, i'm an admin on a deadliest catch fansite! ha! i have a 16 month old american cocker spaniel named bailey jane and she is my absolute heart! i adore her! she's my little blond sweetheart and she loves everybody she meets! i guess those are all interests of mine, so here's a little about myself... i'm honest to a fault and like to think i'm pretty intuitive. i have generalized anxiety disorder, which basically means i worry too much, stress too much, and get anxious over just about anything. a little over a year ago (may '09) i was in wal-mart picking up a few things and suddenly started having a panic attack and wanted to get the hell out of there! i got scared that i was gonna be sick and walked straight out to my car and drove home.. i didn't leave my house for a good three months after that. hello agoraphobia! basically, i had some crazy fear of being in public... say you're scared shitless of heights and someone forces you up to the top of the empire state building and wants you to bungee jump off it - that's about how i felt (and sometimes still do feel) every time i had to leave my house to go anywhere for any reason. i ended up finding the sweetest and best therapist ever to help me learn what the hell was going on in my head and start working on cognitive behavioral therapy to overcome the agoraphobia... so it's been a year and i'm just starting to get out on my own again, and it feels freakin' great! it's nice to hang out with my friends again and go to the mall and whatnot... so now i just have to figure out what i want to do with the rest of my life! after going through what i've been through, i'm thinking i'd like to be some kind of therapist so i can help other people who struggle with things i have.. for now, i guess i'll just write it all down (errr, type it all up?) as i go :)
